Yeah, but then "anybody" barges in and bothers me. Or somebody. Or something. There's always some force pulling at me, shining some harsh, blinding spotlight into my dark corners and blaring loud announcements into my quiet moments. They drag me out when i want to stay in, lock me in when i want to break out, and make me uncomfortable when all i want is to do my own thing and not bother anybody. Dragged out of inconspicuosity and thrown onto a stage! Can't i just keep to myself? The songs in my head are disconnected and incomplete, like a radio that's stuck in between two stations and is trying to play two completely different songs simultaneously, but all that happens is chaos and clatter and static. Yeah. So change the station. You can't; it's stuck. So turn it off. Nope, there is no "off" button. Thoughts and music and poetry and adventures and duties swirl like a hurricane, smashing into each other, cutting each other off in midsentence. Then there's the background noise! Chatter, whining, screaming, scratching at my nerves!
So many obligations come hurtling at me, and i am not allowed to swat at them. They are worthwhile and reasonable. The sick and elderly deserve to be visited! The laundry must be washed, the house kept in some sort of order, the shopping done. Finances managed. Speeches given! Sunday school lessons taught, lovingly, with the Spirit. Appointments must be kept, friends contacted, questions answered. Bake cookies. Plan dinner. Solve the world's problems.
Every obligation i neglect bites at me like the mosquitoes that sneak into my room at night. They suck the life-blood out of me, just enough to torment me in my sleep and cause discomfort during the day. And neglected duties should cause discomfort. Except that it can't shut the clatter off, can't refill my empty stores, can't straighten out the swirling, biting maelstrom!
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