There's too much to do, and i just want to go slowly.  Don't rush me.  Don't push me.  Let me move at my own pace, taking in the magic of the sunshine and the quivering leaves and the playful breeze.  There are so many wonders!  If you hurry and stuff as much into your day as possible, you miss out on the most delicious bits!  Take your time. And let me take mine.

Dawn over Darkness

The night-black landscape surrounded me,
silhouettes of black trees towering alongside the black fields and roads.
The soft stars had faded from the dark sky of the early morning,
leaving only a few brave ones to sparkle here and there.
It felt desolate and hopeless,
a lifeless deep that was neither blue nor black nor grey,
yet devoid of the magic of night.
There was no depth to it; only emptiness.
Yet, away in the east, just reaching above the black trees and rooftops,
there was a burst of color.
Light flooded into the sky
as it gently rose from peach to yellow to pale green,
and finally to light blue, which deepened and darkened
as it intensified upwards.
Back to the west,
the pale colorlessness stretched out,
waiting to be embraced by the new day.

The light of hope can be seen
if only one looks in the right direction.

The Battle Rages; Seek the Light!

The demons flutter and dance and cry,
They shriek and wail and rip and try
To interfere with peace and joy,
To fill with fear, the calm, destroy.
They flit about in graceless hordes.
They whisper lies and evil words.
They strive to conquer righteousness,
To take what's good and make it less
With poisoned mirrors that don't see truth
And cluttered thoughts which hide the proof.

But just ahead, beyond the haze,
There is a roaring fire ablaze.
It shrinks not from the evil ones,
But with its light, it binds their tongues.
They cannot douse its warmth or flame.
They cannot shade its loud proclaim
That all is well, and justice fair
Will come to those who interfere
With all that's right and good and kind.
And thus, the light will soothe the mind!

Dream-shadows

As the silent stars approach, the dream-shadows hover
Ever near
Ever nearer.
Lurking like spectres in their charcoal robes,
They flit and slide
Waiting 
For slumber, sweet and heavy
To envelope me 
To give them open
To haunt my nights with fear and failure
With sorrow and loss. 
No bright sunny fields or happy streams 
No joyous greetings or heartfelt love will they bring me
No adventure burns with friendship strong
Only desolation 
And darkness
To fill my nights 
And chain my heart. 

The Word of God for Today:

A Safe Place to Hide

I huddle in the corner,
Way over in the dark,
Where no one else has found me.
No murmur, not a spark
Shall pierce the silent darkness
Or blind the chilling tomb.
Here thoughts run free, unhindered
By the shining threats that loom
Just 'round every corner
And just up every stair
And beyond the next heartbeat.
I hide within my lair,
Untouched by passing blazes.
The fiery breath of hell
Cannot penetrate the chasm
Where my dreams and I do dwell.
The gentle, rhythmic patter
Of all that stirs my soul
Is bright and free and joyous
As I hide within this hole.
The effervescent glimmer
Of truth and hope and love
Sings out that I will triumph
And one day rise above
The enemies that whisper,
The hate they hurl my way,
The horrors I have witnessed,
The blood of souls they slay.
Huddled in this corner
Where shadows mask my form
My thoughts can freely wander
Sheltered from the storm.
Someday I will not need this
Bastion of the deep.
Beneath the sun I'll dance again,
It's nectar I will reap.

Ancestors

Echoes of the past
Whisper through my veins
Places that I've never seen
Smoky fields and forest rains

The voices murmur soft and low
In tones I cannot hear
Accents I have never known
And languages unclear

Countless generations
Are watching from their realms
To see how I will carry
Our ancient family names

Stories long forgotten
Are rich inside my soul
Lives and bonds reflected
In my every role

Their years are spent and dusty
Their graves faded and cold
Their greatest deeds now shadows
But their love, I ever hold.

Lost Cause

I want to get lost
somewhere peaceful
where the phone can't get me 
or the chaos
of clutter
or schedules
or appointments
Where the moon is bright
and the stars are countless
Where the morning sparkles with magic
as a new day 
slides across the land.

I want to wander
through trees tall and wise
standing watch
as i roam
Where the water is calm
and the earth is blanketed with life.

I want to be free
from crowds and clamor
from the hectic pressures
of advances in society.

I don't want to hear your lawnmower
or chainsaw
or hedge trimmer
or edger
or leaf-blower.
Or your powerful engine
or loud children
or noisy friends
or drunk relatives
or bad music.

Let the breeze and the sky blanket me
and the night fill my soul
and the day stir me with hope
and determination.
Lose me in beauty
and please don't drag me back.

The Morning Sun of Late Summer

The morning sun glistens on the water
in the canal
beside the waving fields
as the day grows brighter.

Soon it will be blindingly so,
the late-summer heat obliviously searing,
not caring that its welcome has expired
and its flavor gone stale.

Yet the nighttime knows
and the cool breeze freshens,
released as an exhaled breath
held too long.

The early morning sighs
Rejoicing!
at the calmness that lingers
from the passing night.

So the early sun sparkles,
showering with glitter,
promising the weary world
that gentler things await.

Silence (Is a Myth).

Perhaps that's why silence is never quite so.  It may sound devoid of rattle or clamor; but it feels ever busy, as though the very energies of life and being still swarm around, stirring up the air and skittering about ceaselessly.

Distant emotions echo across the miles.  The vibrations of all that is alive in the universe seem to swirl and bombard and penetrate, and the soundless moment is anything but calm.  Add to this the thoughts of one's own mind, the warm-cold-busy-tired-happy-sad-delighted thoughts, and a moment of silence is an explosion within!

Hmm. A wee bit stressed, are we?

There's so much more to me 
than anything they see.

I sit in silence, deafened by the roar of thoughts in my head.
One more sound, real or imagined, will send me screaming!
The shell may appear calm, but the center, the invisible center,
Is a raging, whirling vortex 
Ever active
Never still
Never ceasing 
or resting
Not for sleep, not for a moment.
Small-talk is torture
A soul-leaching energy sponge
Sucking up what little reserves i have.
Dates and deadlines and paperwork are just as bad
Needless details
Complicating
the already chaotic mass in my mind.

Reality

I love God.  No, I don't mean in the hollow, generic, saying-this-makes-me-a-good-Christian way.  I mean, I have a personal relationship with Him, I see his gifts for me daily, and I love Him.  Little gifts in unexpected places, and as I recognize His hand in them, I can feel Him smiling into my heart, happy that I noticed.

I've had some weird dreams lately.  Occasionally, a dream will be more like a vision, a revelation, and it feels tangible and real.  But mostly, dreams are just plain weird.  

The night before last, I dreamed that an old friend and I were walking hand-in-hand along a freeway off-ramp that led up to an overpass.  Along the right side of the off-ramp were houses.  They didn't seem important, but their front yards did.  They were even rectangles of grass, and covered with items for sale.  But it was more like businesses than yard sales.  The first one had tires for sale.  They were in neat rows, very orderly, which I appreciated.  But they bothered me.  I don't know why.  Maybe they smelled.  Tires stink, after all.  I vaguely recall walking up an aisle and looking at the different tires uncomfortably, thinking, "I don't want any of these.  I don't need these."  I didn't like being around them, so it was with relief that I left there.  As I passed beyond the boundaries of that property, I looked back.  The front left corner of the plot was on fire.  That pleased me.  Good riddance. 

The next yard had rows of bicycles for sale.  These evoked the opposite feelings.  I liked the bicycles.  I was happy to see them.  I saw the different styles and colors and knew that the bicycles were good to have there, good to be close to.  I didn't buy one at the moment, but determined to come back and get one later, when I had more time.  First, I had someplace to go.  Looking back once more, I saw that the tires from the other lot were still on fire.  I was completely satisfied as my friend and I continued to walk up the ramp.

At the top, we turned left and kept walking.  It was dark.  Nighttime.  There were a lot of people up there, and I don't like crowds much.  The freeway rushed by beneath us, not so crowded, but fast and hurried.  It felt good to be on foot up above it.  Somewhere in the middle of the overpass, I dropped my cell phone.  I'm pretty clumsy like that.  Annoyed with myself, I picked it back up and stuffed it into my pocket, like always.  By this time, my friend had mysteriously morphed into someone else, like people in dreams tend to do.  I don't know who the lady was, but she was a friend.  We walked together as we left the overpass, though not as close together as my other friend and I had done.   Other people from the crowd, all going the other direction, by the way, passed in between us a time or two.  It didn't matter, though, because we were still together.  There may have been a few people behind us, going the same way we were, but I didn't look back, so I don't know.

We found ourselves in a room, a transitionary place where no one lingered.  My friend and I stopped, and I checked my cell phone for texts.  That's when I discovered that it wasn't my phone!  I had managed to pick up someone else's by mistake!  My friend checked hers, and we discovered that we had each other's phones.  She had apparently dropped hers around the same time I did.  Problem solved!

I don't recall anything after that.  We moved on from the room, but I don't know where to or what happened.

Last night I had a different dream.  I was outside, in the evening before the sun had set, and was across the street and around the corner from my childhood home.  I was in the street but close to the sidewalk.  There was a small campstove or bonfire- not sure which.  On top of this was a kettle with soup in it.  Someone was with me, possibly one of my children.  We had french bread to dip in the soup.  It was yummy.  Nearby, I noticed a small dog.  I paid it no attention until after I had eaten my soup and most of my bread.  As I put the last bit of my bread into my mouth, satisfied after a filling meal, I felt kind of silly for putting that whole piece, dipped in broth, into my mouth at once, since it was kind of big and should have been more than one bite.  It tasted good on my tongue, but before I closed my mouth all the way, I noticed the little dog again.  It was a puppy.  It watched me closely, wanting to come nearer but not daring to.  I saw its ribs poking out and realized that this puppy was starving! Taking the bread out of my mouth and breaking it into little pieces, I called the puppy to come eat.  It did, very gratefully.  "This is just bread," I thought; "we need to get some dog food for this poor little thing!"  I knew that I had saved its life, and by taking it home with me, I would give it the opportunity to heal and recover.  (End of dream.)

These dreams felt like dreams, but there is meaning behind these symbols.  I looked them up in a dream dictionary online, and felt a tingle as I determined what each thing meant.  I still don't understand them perfectly, but I wonder what God has given me from these messages.  It gives me hope.  He is watching, he knows what happens at each moment.  He cares.  He has a plan that involves each of us, and is waiting for just the right time to give us exactly what we need at that time.

I trust Him.  I appreciate Him.  And I will keep walking, keep feeding, keep going, keep looking for joys to appreciate, until I reach my destination.

The silence is broken only by small, inconsequential sounds: the tiny drip in the shower, the distant traffic on the crossroad, the gentle hum of the computer.  The breeze today has lost the shocking chill it carried yesterday.  Now it is balmy and soft, as it quietly filters in through the open window, which had been shut for so long.  It is finally open, for the sole purpose of inviting the new breeze in to chase the stale air away.  There are, as usual, many things to do, but they will all wait.  Soon enough, the silence will be shattered by a busy household and the stillness will be a memory.  The sun will leave the sky above and the cooler air will warrant closing the window again.  The chaos and bustle will be inevitable. 

But this moment is mine.  I will not squander it by creating my own frantic rush of activity.  Not today.  Not now.  This is my world and i will claim it and make what i will of it, and right now, i will it to be peaceful.  While i can, i will drink it in, hoping to refill myself before the onslaught is forced upon me once again.

My mind can't quite decide where it's going today.  The dark passages seem safe and familiar, albeit unpleasant, but somehow i can't stay there.  Something seems to swoop in and leave candles lit or lights on here and there, and i realize that today is not a day that warrants complete darkness.  Neither is it bright and shining and cheerful, and thus, i seem to step from shadow to light and back again, cold yet warm.  That sounds very mundane, very ordinary.  But that isn't what it is.  Not blah at all.  Just mixed-up, confusing, contradictory.  Don't ask me.  I can't explain it any better than that.