2018: Fortitude

I've never been afraid of rainstorms. The raging wind, the pouring rain, the flashes of lightning, and the earth-shaking crash of thunder have always excited me. I've seen little fires in the mountains, soon to be washed out by the rain, from lightning that had struck there just minutes before. I've heard the boom of thunder so loud that at first, I wondered if bombs were dropping nearby. These things invigorate me! Never the kind to hide under the bed or rush to safety, I love to be out in the wet wind, drenched and splattered and happy.

But life has so many different kinds of storms to offer. Not all of them are as thrilling as a good rainstorm. Weather can rip apart homes, destroy entire communities, bring landslides and fires and tornadoes and hurricanes that make "storm" into an entirely different word. 

Likewise, many of life's worst storms are equally destructive but have nothing to do with weather or natural disasters. Grief, loss, pain, illness, emotional distress, abuse, and so on, have the power to utterly uproot us and leave us as empty as though a tornado had ripped away our homes. 

Through whatever kind of storms 2018 brings, whether they're thrilling or horrifying, my goal for the year and for the future beyond is fortitude. Fortitude, as defined by my friend Siri, is "courage through pain or adversity." There are loftier and more detailed definitions than this, but I love how simply and clearly this sums it up. Having courage despite our challenges doesn't mean we aren't scared or hurt at the same time. It doesn't mean we cant be terrified, overwhelmed, devastated, or utterly confused. Fortitude means feeling any or all of those negative, immobilizing emotions and choosing to press forward anyway. It means standing as tall as we can manage to, shoving aside the pain, and dragging ourselves onward, searching for the light behind the darkness. 

That light will come.