Drained of energy and the ability to cope with the mess and chaos of life, this feels like an excellent night to go to bed early with The Safehouse and forget the world.  I can hold the book and let the recordings read it to me while the insanity of the world carries on obliviously. Leave me alone, life.

It can't all be sunshine and poetry.

It's been a sucky month.  Yeah, pretty much the whole thing.  I'm tired.   I'm drained.  I can't find my way to the forest, or to Brego, or to any of my happy retreats.  The places i go to when i can steal a free moment to think and wander and escape... are lost to me.

Every single day takes so much out of me that i feel like an empty shell, a hollow shadow of what once was.  It isn't true, of course.  The inside is alive and swirling with turbulent thoughts and feelings and dreams and fears that never slow down, never stop, always rush and whirl and shift.  The shell is just the semblance of normalcy i try to show to others, for no one really wants inside.  No one can handle it.  It's dizzying, tiring, sickening to be ensconced in such tribulation.  Trust me; i understand.

Go ahead.  Really.  Please!  Just move on from the spectacle and don't feel bad for not being able to take it. I've got quite enough to deal with on my own at the moment, and i'm too weary to deal with comforting you for not being able to handle me.  Just let me hide alone in the dark until it gets better.

I'll be okay.

Balm for a wounded heart...

The sweet tenderness, expressed unintentionally through genuine heartfelt affection, which shines on the faces of those who love me, has the power to boost me from the depths of sorrow.  When those around you offer stereotypical concern, it is to no avail.  But when someone who isn't trying to is caught with a sincere look of adoration on their precious face, the affect is soothingly healing.  Bless you, my friend.  <3

Sunrise

The near-black horizon was disturbed by a silent burst of colour, which spread as the light grew.  What had been the deepest blue became soft and light as the sun bravely slid up from its slumber and shone on the cool world.  A new day is born!

The newness of the day is overlooked by the regular rituals that occupy our time.  But despite the trauma and trials and chaos that continue in oblivion, a fresh new day explodes in humble beauty, and the breeze tousles our hair and nips at our faces.

Then comes the message, as clear as a whisper in my ear, that it is my duty to emulate the brave sun: "Go forth and shine!"

If you're lucky, this will not make sense.

The cool, soft air whispers quietly, not noticing that this is usually the time of day when the heat of the afternoon sun grows rank and stale.  The breeze flutters playfully and ever-so-gently, caressing the weary world with its breath.

I wonder if anyone else has noticed.  Life rushes on, with meetings and deadlines and obligations, but the beauty of a calm October day is as oblivious to this as the people are to it. 

People.  Too much cruelty, too much evil, too much stupidity.  Too little trust, too little honesty, too little virtue.  Too many annoying people. 

Sleep beckons, but it must be as confused as the day itself, for it is not even dinnertime yet.  And my nights have been peppered with strips of wakeful overactivity of my mind, as it hurls along its many lonely paths. 

If it keeps getting so hopelessly lost, why am i still here?

It's in the Air

As summer waves its fond farewell, as we are teased by this cool, overcast, fresh day, the promise of autumn dances in the air.  It beckons with it's lure of crisp-scented breezes and snuggly sweaters.  Of holidays and warm socks.  The disappearance of mosquitoes is a delight to anticipate with relish.  No more sweltering, searing heat, the bright sun obnoxious in its vanity.  The autumn sun is gentler and humbler, ready to share the freshened sky with a few clouds now and then.  The prospect of adventure is not a false front, dirtied with beer cans and morons.  Fall adventure is real, the adventure of living!  Of breathing in the new air and feeling invigorated by the unmistakable fragrance of the leaves and distant fires.  No lies are harbored here!  Autumn delivers what it promises, and does not taunt or insult those who do not fall in love with it.  It merely kisses them on the rosy cheeks as they walk by, smiling with the assurance that it blesses them nonetheless. 

Tomorrow may feel like summer again.  The relentless sun may return with it's gaudy brightness, the unforgiving heat like a giant oven to melt and sicken those who dwell within. 

But today is wonderful.

Wherever they send me, I am not there.

The forest whispers through my veins, like the quiet breeze that brushes the oaks and pines and makes the grasses and wildflowers sway.  It lights up the lonely corners of my heart, like the millions of stars that glow valiantly above the trees.  It hides in the shadows like the lush ferns that thrive beside the streams.  Its song flows through me, unheard by the concrete and the sculpted world around me.  The melted mess of modern society surrounds me, but i am only half here.  I am deep within my forest.